Instead of the holiday season being “the most wonderful time of the year” as the song goes, for many students it is an incredibly painful time. I am not talking about the girl who is crushed because her boyfriend broke up with her, but students who are deeply hurting.

Many students, especially those from low socio-economic backgrounds, are dealing with real trauma daily. This can be escalated by the holidays. In our culture, when all of the messages around them are about joy, presents, and spending quality time with your family, it only amplifies the pain some of our students feel about their home life.

Some students may be dealing with the trauma of the loss of a parent or grand parent. If the death happened around the holidays, then they may be remembering the feelings of loss and depressed. There also may have been a significant income loss in the family household leading to frequent moving or homelessness.

I had a student whose birthday was coming up.  When I asked if he was doing anything for special for it, he said, “No, I never get anything for my birthday.” I took him out for lunch at Wendy’s and it really made an impact on him. Unfortunately, “normal” for him was that no one cared.

Many of our students are not looking forward to presents, but embarrassed that they lack basic necessities. They are not looking forward to holiday feasts, but will be missing the daily breakfast and lunch that the school provides. Maybe utility bills are not being paid and the heat is turned off. For them, holiday vacation means hunger, cold, and loneliness.

For other students, family gatherings means more stress in their homes. They may be forced to go to a non-custodial parent’s house and deal with step parents and siblings who they have strained relationships with. There may be stressful situations including drugs and alcohol abuse, or even worse child neglect or abuse. They are dreading what they will be forced to endure over the break.

For teachers, this means don’t be surprised if you see some acting out behaviors from students the next few weeks. Don’t assume that kids are hyper because they are looking forward to the holidays. It may be the exact opposite. They may be acting out because school is the only safe place in their lives and they are stressed about their home life.

The holiday time is an important time to be patient, loving, and kind to students. If you sense that they seem “off,” pull them aside and have a conversation with them about things at home. Ask them if they are looking forward to the holidays. Seek genuine answers and be a supportive listener. Students need extra care and understanding from us as it may be the only positive part of their holidays.